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Stale Sex

Hi, I just found your website when I was trying to find help to spruce up my husband and I’s sex life. We have been married almost 15 years and it is almost a chore to have “fun” in the bedroom. You intrigue me, but porn kind of grosses me out, and I do not know how to be dominant, or submissive. Can you give me some ideas on what I should do?

Signed – Ready To Give Up

Wow, ummmm I am not sure where to begin. First I am NO expert in any of this, just like to have fun. There are many things in your question(s) I want to try to address.

1, Porn grosses you out, I get that it used to me as well. I knew Brandon watched it but I always felt like he was cheating on me by watching it. This is where me finding it gross primarily came from. Also porn is geared towards men, so they show much more of the female anatomy than the male anatomy it often seems. If you go on porn hub and look for things like Romantic Sex, basically romantic anything will yield some results, my two favorite search terms are Romantic BDSM & Gentle Femdom. Give it a try alone, don’t have to tell anyone, lay down have a drink, relax your body and watch and learn, who knows you may find yourself pleasuring yourself. I know I did. Porn is the perfect place to learn from, want to know something just search it on pornhub.

Dominant is not something I can actually teach you either are or you are not. If you do not know how to be dominate means you either do not understand what it means, or you are just do not have any sense of authoritarian in you. Maybe Gentle Femdom is what you may want to look into. (See link below). There are several “Challenges” on our site here that deal with this subject. I suggest starting off with our 7 Days of Denial, it is a step by step guide almost, along with a video for each day to watch (well once you are over your porn hangup).


I can not tell you if you are submissive or not, or how to even tell if you are. Here are a couple of fun tests that may give you an idea about yourself and your sexuality. Let me know how things go, and don’t give up there is a wonderful world of sex awaiting you. Also there is nothing like having your hubby under your control, after about three days of denial he will be doing the dishes, laundry, whatever you want him to do. Have fun with this, make it about YOU not him.


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